Oh, Did I Knock That Over?

Chaos as a verb

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Read about Pirate's adventures in Thrillville here.

Queen of Trash Stop the Iran War Free the ShministimB'tselem - Israeli Information Center for Human Rights in the Occupied Territories

Friends call me Pirate. Everyone else calls me Mr. Pirate.</DEAD_JOKE> These days, I also respond to "Monkey". Nick suffices in a pinch. Relatives get away with Nicky. Others risk grievous bodily injury in doing so.

-Ex-New Yorker, current Californian.
-Bartender-of-fortune, currently practicing mixology and the associated tradecrafts in the Bay Area.
-A work in progress. Who needs to spend more time @ his meditation. And his poker study.
-Husband of, and continual source of both consternation and amusement for, lexica510.

If you want to contact me, don't e-mail me. I don't really... do e-mail. Much. Post a comment on the most recent entry on my blog, I guarantee you I'll come across that MUCH sooner than any e-mail you send. Anonymous posts are screened. You can also find me on MetaFilter, deviantArt, and a few others, the odd BoingBoing comment

This journal is a way for me to channel my babbling and rambling and ranting as well as a way to meet interesting people. It gets NC-17 from time to time, but that'll often end up friends-only lock'd. Or not. Deal with it.

Do feel free to post comments/friend me. How you gonna get to know new and interesting people if you don't step up and meet 'em?

Any posts that are free of typos and grammically correct from beginning to end are 90% likely to have been proofread by lexica510. All mistakes should be laid at the monkey's doorstep.

I believe in putting enough ice into the cocktail shaker so that mixing a drink gives your arms a bit of a workout.
I believe that consensual/victimless crimes shouldn't be.
I believe that sex, sports, and poker should, if performed correctly, leave you a bit bruised afterwards.
I believe I like having the original equipment and think it evolved there for a reason.
I believe one should live by principles, not rules.
I believe in doing what you can, where you are, with what you got.
I believe cunnilingus makes a man strong, wise, and live longer.
I believe in owning only skinny, solid color neckties and at least one hat (black)
I believe I rock a kilt like "Whoa!".
I believe wearing boots makes the sex better.
I kneel before ONLY two kings: Elvis, and Kong.
I believe that at dinner time, more garlic is always a good idea.
I believe that sin is not found in pleasure, but in a destructive search for it.
I believe that no plan survives contact with the opposition.
I believe the existence of chocolate demonstrates that the Kosmos does indeed love us.
I believe a foolish consistancy is in fact the hobgoblin of little minds.
I believe that by forgiving, we become forgivable.
Then again, The Buddha told his followers not to "believe", not even what HE told them, but to examine and determine for themselves.

"I'm willing to break laws, but I won't commit no crime."
-Boiled in Lead

"Ki is, of course, mystical bullshit. That’s why it works so well, both as a teaching idiom and a tool of practice in martial arts. It’s as nonexistent as charm, leadership, or acting. Humans are all about bullshit."
-Andrew Plotkin

"Was the government to prescribe to us our medicine and diet, our bodies would be in such keeping as our souls are now [under state-established religion]. Thus in France the emetic was once forbidden as a medicine, and the potatoe as an article of food."
-Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia

"Wearing nothing is divine. Naked is a state of mind."
-Luscious Jackson

"The average bartender, despite the slanders of professional moralists, is a man of self-respect and self-possession; a man who excels at a difficult art and is well aware of it; a man who shrinks from ruffianism as he does from uncleanliness; in short, a gentleman...

"The bartender is one of the most dignified, law abiding, and ascetic of men. He is girt about by a rigid code of professional ethics; his work demands a clear head and a steady hand; he must have sound and fluent conversation; he cannot be drunken or dirty; the slightest dubiousness is quick to exile him to the police force, journalism, the oyster boats, or some other Siberia of the broken."
-H.L. Mencken
Baltimore Evening Sun, May 11, 1911

"Squeeze the milk of life into your dirty glass and drink it warm!"
-The Tick

"There are few things that are so unpardonably neglected in our country as poker. The upper class knows very little about it. Now and then you find ambassadors who have sort of a general knowledge of the game, but the ignorance of the people is fearful. Why, I have known clergymen, good men, kind-hearted, liberal, sincere, and all that, who did not know the meaning of a 'flush.' It is enough to make one ashamed of one's species."
-Mark Twain

"I was reading a newspaper just yesterday
got the headlines reading God bless the USA, and I thought,
God bless everyone
God bless the people in New York when they got attacked,
God bless the children being bombed there in Iraq,
God bless the god damn junky with the monkey on his back,
God bless everybody under the sun"
-The John Butler Trio

"When my oppponent advances, I contract. When he contracts, I expand. And when the opportunity presents itself I do not strike the blow, the blow strikes itself."
-Bruce Lee

"VII. Thou Shalt Not Hoard. Seriously, Here. If You Have Enough, Share. Only Asshats Bogart Life."
-The Commandments of Coyote

420, adagio, awareness practice, b'tselem, bdsm, belsnickel, ben davis, bicycles, bill hicks, bison, black t-shirts, bodyweight exercise, boom de yada, buddhism without beliefs, burlesque, buying my wife lingerie, calisthenics, callanetics, cheri huber, childfree but not venomous, chocolate, chrome bags, chuck jones, circus arts, cky, climbing trees, convict conditioning, coop, cowboy hats, coyotes, east bay, egoscue method, elvis, fernet branca, fire, flickr, freikorperkultur, functional training, gearhead records, ghostfist, giant squid, gigamic games, going barefoot, going regimental, guided chaos, half-nekkid thursday, han shot first, hand-balancing, hard rock, heavy metal, henry rollins, honky tonk, horn sections, human rights, jack lalanne, kaiju, kettlebells, kilts, kissing friends, krampus, kung-fu movies, lake merritt, leather, libraries, lord of misrule, lounge music, lovecraft, luc besson, mahjongg, making out, marriage, medical marijuana, methode naturelle, michael pollan, moccasins, monkey-powered mobility, monkeys, movnat, murals, norml, northern california, not ninjas, nudity, oaksterdam, oaktown, ordinary mind, outlaw country, owls, p-funk, parkour, pavel tsatsouline, peak oil, permaculture, peter mcwilliams, physical culture, pirates, pizza, plasma cosmology, poker, prop 215, public transportation, quentin tarantino, resilience, rob zombie, rockaway beach, rocky horror picture show, rollerderby, rugby, running barefoot, samichlaus, samurai movies, santa claus, sci-fi, sex, short hair, shotguns, sitting on the floor, star jasmine, steampunk, strategic overtipping, sushi, tattoos, teeccino, tex avery, the long emergency, the misfits, the venture brothers, the wild man, throwing up the horns, tip top bike shop, tumbling, uppity bike commuters, urban biking, vibram fivefingers, walt whitman, warren ellis, william shatner, working out naked, yule, zombies