clipped from bunnyboysmonkey.blogspot.com Close your eyes and imagine this. Charcoal, ground to a fine powder. Vicks Vapor Rub, in all itâ™s eye watering, nasal clearing goodness. Now imagine these two things together, in your mouth! Sure, at first imagining, Charcoal plus Vicks Vapor Rub may not sound too appetizing; and I will admit that it is an acquired taste. Once you have acquired the taste though, and the ability to stomach the gritty, dry, gagging texture, you have a toothpaste that gets your mouth clean like no other. It is a bit like sandblasting the gunk off your teeth. They are really squeaky clean after the rinse. And believe it or not, it is both a whitening toothpaste and an Ayurvedic Medicine! Oh Monkey Brand has itss down side, the spatter of black dried spit that coats the sink and walls, the aforementioned texture and the container that is strangely hard to open. Don't let that deter you though, sweep those negatives aside. Join the Monkey Crew and get your teeth clean in a way you never imagined before.

Previously in O,DIKTO?:

-Three words: "Monkey-Poo Dodgeball"

-FUCK NOT WITH THE MONKEYS!

-I'll take mine neat, squeeze of lime

-Birfday Monkey!

Once again, your Bartender-of-Fortune spent Halloween aboard the old gray lady USS Hornet for the annual Halloween party. (Make with the clickety-cllick on the photos for larger sizes)

It must be going on something like seven years running, but once again I went as Bill Hicks. Simplest costume ever. Although disappointingly more obscue every year. If you haven't already watched It's Just a Ride, do yourself a favor and meet Bill.


When Hugo saw my points, he broke out his bunny ears. Nice. Plus, Hugo and I both demonstrated that a steel cocktail shaker and a bottle-opener make an excellent substitute-cowbell. Luckily, the bar was hella slow during Honkey-Tonk Women. ;-)


The view from the bar is a great one for costume viewing. There were a couple of Davey Joneses (though none with a tambourine), lots of pirates, and a really cool overall variety to the crowd.

One of my favorites was the couple I dubbed "The Whitechapel Duo". Love classic references.


Best costume of the night? Hands down favorite was The Zombie.


And lastly, big shout-out to The Cocktail Monkeys for putting on a great rock show and keeping the dancefloor jumpin'.

Cheers!


Previously in O,DIKTO?
-B-o-F: Working the Museum Circuit

-Goatboy's Halloween '08

T-shirt via Tip Top Bike Shop.


Previously in O,DIKTO?:

-Mah woman is so damn HAWT! BOO-YAA, baby!

-Please for to my sweeteh's wisdom noticing be....

via oletheros

Lordi, Blood Red Sandman



And once again, I will be going as Bill Hicks (Goat-boy is here to please you...) to pour @ the USS Hornet Halloween Party. My "points" via Pan's Devil Horns. Quality stuff.

I'm not advocating indiscriminate U-lock justice. I'm not in the least bit advocating instigating violence.

But we're the ones getting honked at from behind while in the bike lane.


We're the ones getting run off the roads and killed.

We're the ones who get blamed when some fucking oblivious cagers kills a cyclist with a right-hook, then gets no charges filed against them.

We're the ones under attack out there on the roads.


You. Cager.

The one in the personal automobile.

Your choice sucks. And you're killing the planet. And we're fighting wars in order to keep your car running.

The one that's killing you slowly, and killing us rather quickly and messily.

Rearrange your lifestyle. Make better choices. But if you insist on keeping your fucking cage, SHARE THE FUCKING ROAD GRACIOUSLY, PAY ATTENTION, AND STOP RUNNING US DOWN!

Personally, I'd like to see the laws written like they are in Holland:

in the Netherlands, a driver is presumed to be negligent in any collision involving a cyclist, unless the driver can introduce evidence rebutting that presumption.

Start fucking being less oblivious, cagers.

You hit another cager from behind, you're presumed to be at fault. Why shouldn't cagers be presumed to be at fault when they hit a pedestrian or cyclist? I see no reason that people should be legally allowed to be oblivious when piloting a 4,000 weapon around in public.

Yes, I'm demanding higher standards just for the privilege driving around, BURNING GASOLINE, getting weaker and unhealthier, poisoning the air. Suck it up and deal.

Start seeing bicyclists. Stop fucking honking at us when we're taking up the full lane as is our right as a vehicle.

Because an American soldier (and who knows how many impoverished, brown-skinned locals) just died to keep your fucking cage ferrying your lazy ass around AT HIGH SPEEDS. You fuckers are in such a fucking hurry, you're so fucking impatient, and having to slow down behind a bicycle sends you into paroxysms of confusion and rage.

TOO FUCKING BAD! WE'RE NOT AT WAR TO POWER MY BIKE, CAGERS! YOUR OBSESSION WITH NOT BEING IMPEDED IN YOUR FORWARD MOMENTUM, EVEN FOR A MOMENT, BORDERS ON THE OBSCENE! EVERY OUNCE OF PRESSURE YOU PUT ON THE GAS-PEDAL = A CUPFUL OF SOMEBODY'S LIFEBLOOD HALF A WORLD AWAY!

AND I'M THE FUCKING BAD GUY FOR SLOWING YOU DOWN?

We're fucking sick and tired of taking shit from you and your gas-burning, poison-spewing, muscular-atrophy-inducing cage. We're fucking sick of your aggression and your horns and your "GET OFF THE ROAD!"

FUCK YOU! STOP KILLING US!

I'm not advocating instigating violence. But if you try to crowd me off the road, well... I do make it a habit of locking up my bike with a U-lock that's QUITE HEAVY at one end. And physics goes both ways, suckers.

</ANGRY_RANT>

Previously in O,DIKTO?:

-This is how I roll

-Team Wonderbike: have you taken the pledge?

-I, Cracker

-Laughing from the sidelines

-Done. Over. Last link to the dinosaur-burner is CUT!

-If I can't bike with a broken collarbone... [MAJOR anti-personal-automobiles rant]

-I don't want to hear about running privately owned cars on alternative fuels

-# Automobile = Pollution, Terrorism, & Jellybutt

via oletheros



Previously in O,DIKTO?:

-Calling Robin Williams...

-Shiny!

-More t-shirt disreputability

-MUST HAVE!

This is my new Felt X:City 2. And it FUCKING ROCKS!

Team LexiMonkey, after the longest run either member has ever done (more on that later) went by Tip Top Bike Shop. We'd been in before, when we were shopping for bike shops. And some in the area didn't... really click with us. The last time we came through, the folks @ TTBS took the time to show us what they had, and were in general really helpful and pleasant. So when it was time to drop a chunk-o-tax-refund on wheels, we knew where to go.

Charlotte (one of the owners) helped us take a several bikes out for test rides. I went in thinking I wanted one style (a Jamis Commuter 3), but that particular one wasn't in stock in my size. So I tried something similar. Which was OK. "What else would you recommend for a guy my size?" And while I am 6'1", most of my height is in my torso. I've got comparatively short legs for a guy my heights.

And Charlotte introduced me to the X:City 2.


SWEET ELVIS IN HIS BLACK 1968 COMEBACK SPECIAL LEATHERS, THIS BIKE IS THE FUCKING BOMB-DIGGETY!

Light, OH, so lightweight compared to the old bikes. Those old beasts feel like they're made out of cast-iron. Plus, I did crash mine. We bought them over 10 years ago, with no more thought than "If we get these at REI, we get a member rebate". Today, Team LexiMonkey invested in some bikes that are gonna suit our needs much more personally.

I love the 8-speed internal-gear hub. I don't need 24 gears, I'm not going to use most of them. Eight good ones, that's what the monkey wants. And this bike is so freakin' light, I don't even come close to noticing any weight. Then there's the fact that clumsy-monkey used to smack his derailleurs out of alignment all the time. Nice to have that bit gone. And it shifts like a dream.

The matte green/black coloring made me think think of ever-camoflage-clad Udo Dirkschneider, vocalist of the German metal band Accept, one of the staples of my 80s youth, whence I left that sizable chunk of my hearing.

The price on my bike? $666. Srsly. How fucking metal is that?

I think my bike's name is Udo.


"Ever bike? Now that's something that makes life worth living! I take exercise every afternoon that way. Oh, to just grip your handlebars and lay down to it, and go ripping and tearing through streets and road, over railroad tracks and bridges, threading crowds, avoiding collisions, at twenty miles or more an hour, and wondering all the time when you're going to smash up.

Well now, that's something! And then go home again after three hours of it, into the tub, rub down well, then into a soft shirt and down to the dinner table, with the evening paper and a glass of wine in prospect - and then to think that tomorrow I can do it all over again!"
-Oakland native son Jack London

Previously in O,DIKTO?:

-Team Wonderbike: Have you taken the pledge?

-Bicycles have long been associated with womens- and workers-liberation movements.

-Need an alternative to the family car?

-Pirate's anti-car, pro-bike rant

Via oletheros

Previously in O,DIKTO?

-THAT'S TOO MUCH KNOWLEDGE!

why i am not afraid to take your money, by amanda fucking palmer:

artists used to rely on middlemen to collect their money on their behalf, thereby rendering themselves innocent of cash-handling in the public eye.

artists will now be coming straight to you (yes YOU, you who want their music, their films, their books) for their paychecks.
please welcome them. please help them. please do not make them feel badly about asking you directly for money.
dead serious: this is the way shit is going to work from now on and it will work best if we all embrace it and don’t fight it...

i come from a street performance background.
i stood almost motionless on a box in harvard square, painted white, relinquishing my fate and income to the goodwill and honor of the passers-by.

i spent years gradually building up a tolerance to the inbuilt shame that society puts on laying your hat/tipjar on the ground and asking the public to support your art.

i was harassed, jeered at, mocked, ignored, insulted, spit at, hated.
i was also applauded, appreciated, protected, loved….all by strangers passing me in the street.
people threw shit at me...

i did this for 5 years, and i made a living that way.
dollar by dollar.
hour by hour.
it was hard fucking work.

and for the last 10 years, i have been working my ass off in a different way: tirelessly making music, traveling the world, connecting with people, trying to keep my balance, almost never taking a break and, frankly, not making a fortune doing it. i still struggle to pay my rent sometimes. i’m still more or less in debt from my last record...

if you think i’m going to pass up a chance to put my hat back down in front of the collected audience on my virtual sidewalk and ask them to give their hard-earned money directly to me instead of to roadrunner records, warner music group, ticketmaster, and everyone else out there who’s been shamelessly raping both fan and artist for years, you’re crazy.

Go read the entire post, it's spot on.

I write twisted Santa Claus/Krampus fiction because I find it pleasing and the research fascinating. I give it away for free. I am an amateur; I literally do it for the love of doing it.

Bartending I do for a living. Sure, I get gussied up and pour at friends parties the way I'm sure Amanda might sing for a friend at their birthday. But the public doesn't get to expect me to mix cocktails for free. I concoct tasty beverages out of metabolic toxins to help buy the Team LexiMonkey groceries, and that means cold, hard cash money in the tip jar, and 1s & 0s in the credit union account.

To quote my dear, departed Mother-in-Law, "I do this for a living. I don't give it away."

Fuck the corporations, give your money straight to the artists who are keeping body & soul together by creating the art that makes your day more pleasing.

And don't fucking whine about how artists grubbing for cash somehow demeans their art, because that's so many kinds of crap the Shit Institute has run out of ways to classify it.

Previously, in O,DIKTO?:

-Amanda Fucking Palmer Does Naked Yoga on the Beach in Hawaii

-Heavy Metal Cabaret ROCKS MY FUCKING MONKEY WORLD!!

-Coin-Operated Boy vs. Beer-Operated Girl

Yours truly a little bit before the doors opened at last saturday night's Magnitude dance party (part of Folsom Street Fair weekend). I was down on the main dance floor.

I've attended plenty of BDSM/leather events, but being a het male, they've all been rather pansexual in their attendance. This was my first time at a specifically gay male one. An interesting energy to observe while pouring beverages.

Note: gay men into leather tip really well. Although I think at least one Australian party-goer tipped me with a ten accidentally.

There were actually quite a few foreign men. You could tell, because they were the ones in the dim light staring closely at their money, trying to figure out how much each of the unfamiliar, uniformly green bills worth.

Unfortunately, I was so wiped out from working all night and not getting home until just short of dawn that i totally didn't make it out to Folsom Street in the gorgeous sun.

Previously in O,DIKTO?:

-BoF: Working the Museum Circuit

-BoF: Goatboy's Halloween

-BoF: Abusing Colleagues @ Work

-15 Seconds with Pirate: New Years Eve on the Trolley

-BoF: DAMN, that was a long 3 days. [EDITED]

-BoF: I'm beat

-BoF: It was right before my eyes and I didn't even see it

-BoF: The Monkey's Bells Got Seriously Rocked!

-BoF: Dancing The Night Away

They're remaking Clash of the Titans



"America just keeps eating itself. Pretty soon, were all gonna get Mad Cow American Disease."

-Keanu Reeves on Hollywood remakes.

-Korpiklaani, Wooden Pints

There's men, underground
Who have never seen the sun
But they really know how to party
Little men from underground
Who have never seen the sun
But the really know how to party

[Chorus:]
The rise their wooden pints and they yoik and sing
And they fight and dance 'till the morning



( make with the clickety-click for a big 'ole Finn-gasm )

Previously in O,DIKTO?:

-If you think I'm sexy, and you want my body...

-Beltway-types only know the Schwarzenegger version

-This metal is so old-school, Beowulf is taught in contemporary lit

-How I alienated girls and gained tinnitus in the 80s

Welcome to Smart Remarks where, as John Lennon said, "Happiness is a warm gun."

Or maybe that was John Wilkes Booth...



In 2004 six men were arrested for stripping down to their thongs and mooning President Bush, mirroring the infamous Abu Ghraib human pyramid photo. They were cuffed and arrested. And the right wing was OUTRAGED and the disrespect shown to the president.


What are we to make of the armed "patriots" showing up to town halls where the President is speaking, holding signs calling for the "Tree of Liberty" to be washing "with the blood of patriots and tyrants? What message are they sending?

One John Wilkes Boothe (Lincoln's assassin) and John Hinckley (Reagan's would-be assassin) would understand loud & clear.

The right wing loses an election, and out come the guns and threats and cries of "oppression!"

This should be no surprise. They've been shooting and bombing abortion doctors for decades. I'm watching for shrines to St. Timothy of Oklahoma to show up.

Lazyweb, my google-fu sucks. I'm looking for images of anti-civil-rights protesters yelling and screaming. I'm coming across lots of images of cops turning dogs and firehoses on people, but I'm looking for images of American citizens yelling and screaming at those marching for civil rights.

muchos dankes

1. Reply to this post, & I will pick six of your icons.
2. Make a post (including this info) & talk about the icons I chose.
3. Other people can then comment to you and make their own posts.
4. This will create a never-ending cycle of icon glee.

rimrunner requested the following:
( Make with the clickety-click for the memeage... )

DAYUM, I will never complain about bartending being hell on the hands AGAIN!


EDIT: Lexi had to go & make it worse by pointing out "Someone had to go masturbate a bull to collect that bucket of semen".

Happy HNT everyone!

Previously in O,DIKTO?:

-The monkey's Half-Nekkid Thursday archive

-The Male Physique: Options

Ever wonder who gets credit for the "Strongest Beer in the World?:

December 6 is the Feast day of St. Nicholas, one of several Patron Saints of Brewing...

Inspired by this feast day, is Samichlaus Bier. Samichlaus is an 14% ABV doppelbock that at one time was billed as the world's strongest beer. The name means "Santa Claus" in the Swiss-German dialect of Zürich. Brewed only on December 6 of each year, the beer is aged for almost a year and released in time for the following year's feast day. Samichlaus was originally brewed by Brauerei Hürlimann, and later by Feldschlösschen Brewery. It is currently produced by Schloss Eggenberg of Switzerland.

Previously in O,DIKTO?:

-Team Wonderbike: Have you taken the pledge?

Via oletheros

Previosuly in O,DIKTO?:

-How much awesome can you handle?

-Ψ Φ, the literature of possible futures

-Sci-fi geeks: we know the future

-Steampunk w/out goggles

-The Memento school of literature appreciation (Caitlin R. Kiernan)