A few things...

  • Nov. 27th, 2009 at 12:41 PM
Eugen Sandow rode a bike
  • Yes, Team LexiMonkey did in fact eat a vegetarian dinner yesterday. Field Roast, mushroom gravy, mashed potatoes, bread, other plant matter for Lexi, Bohemia beer, tea, and Mexican pastries for desert. That after a ~4 hour bike ride along the Bay Trail around Oakland airport. OH YEAH, going to explore more of that. REALLY reminded me of Riis Park back where I grew up.

  • Meant to post this yesterday. "They celebrate Thanksgiving in England. They just call it 'FUCK OFF, PURITAN' Day".



  • Today is "Buy Nothing Day", first day of ChannuKwanzSolstMas. Avoid the Shopocalypse! Ask yourself, along with the Rev. Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping Gospel Choir, "What Would Jesus Buy?"



  • TLM is gettin' up on their bikes and going out for another ride today. And I'm going on record as saying that BND does not include food consumed immediately. And that includes coffee. Or eggnog lattes. :P
  • The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    Eugen Sandow rode a bike
    The first one was a whole lot of fun (that's Lexica and me in the middle of the photo, sitting down behind the bike in the foreground). if you're in the area, you should definitely check this out.

    Taco Truck Tour #2: Foothill Blvd. Edition (Nov. 22, 2009)

    After the success of October's taco truck tour, it's time for another!

    Taco Truck Tour Numéro Dos:

    When: Sunday, November 22, 2009
    Meet: 12:30 pm, Lake Merritt BART station (9th and Oak St., Oakland).
    Start: ~ 12:45 pm
    End: ~ 3:30 pm ish, Fruitvale BART station
    Twitter: @catacotrucks / #tacotrucktour

    Itinerary (follow along at Oakland Taco Truck Map 2007)

    1) Tacos Alonzo at Foothill Blvd./27th Ave.
    2) Tacos El Mazatlan at Foothill Blvd./Fruitvale Ave.
    3) Tamales Mi Lupita at Foothill Blvd./34th Ave.
    4) Tacos El Tio Juan at Foothill Blvd./41st Ave.
    5) Nieves Cinco de Mayo (ice cream) at 3340 E 12th St.

    When it's all said and done, feel free to bike or BART home. Anyone is welcome to join up or leave at anytime, obviously.

    Afterwards, I might even be up for a beer at The Trappist (8th/B'way, downtown Oakland).

    Bring: bike, helmet, $10-$15 for tacos+ice cream, camera if you want to document the deliciousness

    All are welcome!

     blog it
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    Workout Diary: Taking the Long View

    • Nov. 3rd, 2009 at 11:26 AM
    Humans
    SUN 11/01:
    -Was supposed to be a long run day, but Lexi's ankle was/is feeling a little tender. not an injury, but Team LexiMonkey decided to take it easy and not do the run. We were scheduled for 9 miles, but we ended up doing somewhere close to 20 on the bikes instead.

    The Team plan is to do something like an ~8 miler this coming Sunday (scheduled for 10.5) then in the coming weeks we can tack on an extra mile, mile-&-a-half & play catch up with the schedule to hit our 26 miler 4 weeks out from the marathon proper.

    In general we're feeling good endurance wise and the Galloway walk/run program is designed to avoid injury. So we're avoiding it.

    MON: 11/02
    -Visit to the SF Egoscue Clinic for a session and new personal menu to add to the book. Had a nice chat with David the Clinic Director and Johnny one of the therapists about our progress, training for the marathon, stuff in general.

    It's been a while since either of us got a new menu. I mentioned my left knee & ankle as being sensitive, but not in pair, or even feeling weak. But those are still the old issues. And the left shoulder is still a little out of alignment. But the difference in my posture photos from months ago is astounding.

    I keep thinking about tensegrity:
    Tensegrity is a portmanteau of tensional integrity. It refers to structures with an integrity based on a synergy between balanced tension and compression components.
    The human body is a tensegrity machine; the internal structure of the bones are what the musculature etc push and pull against to cause motion.

    And one of the central characteristics of a tensegrity structure is that if one adjust one part, the entire structure adjusts in response. Pull on one of the bars on the structure to the right, and the tension and position of parts all the way on the other side of the structure are affected. It's one long chain of energy transfer.

    The human body is a tensegrity-based organism. Our general shape is determined by evolution, but like the sculpture, our "posture" can be shaped and adjusted by tensioning or loosening the connecting bungees (or in our case, musculo-fascial tissue).

    This is why in The Egoscue Method, if you have pain in one area, you're often given work to do on another area altogether. Because working on the other area, strengthening it, will pull your whole structure more into proper alignment, and the pain that is caused by moving when you're not properly aligned goes away.

    TUE 11/3
    -New Egoscue menu. Ooh... that's the stuff I needed to work in that shoulder, fo sho!

    -10 x snatch/get-ups w/ floor-press, 20kg alt-RL

    Looking forward to tomorrow's run.

    POWER TO YOU

    Pirate's workout diary
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    We're the ones under attack

    • Oct. 29th, 2009 at 10:30 AM
    Monkey on a bike
    I'm not advocating indiscriminate U-lock justice. I'm not in the least bit advocating instigating violence.

    But we're the ones getting honked at from behind while in the bike lane.


    We're the ones getting run off the roads and killed.

    We're the ones who get blamed when some fucking oblivious cagers kills a cyclist with a right-hook, then gets no charges filed against them.

    We're the ones under attack out there on the roads.


    You. Cager.

    The one in the personal automobile.

    Your choice sucks. And you're killing the planet. And we're fighting wars in order to keep your car running.

    The one that's killing you slowly, and killing us rather quickly and messily.

    Rearrange your lifestyle. Make better choices. But if you insist on keeping your fucking cage, SHARE THE FUCKING ROAD GRACIOUSLY, PAY ATTENTION, AND STOP RUNNING US DOWN!

    Personally, I'd like to see the laws written like they are in Holland:
    in the Netherlands, a driver is presumed to be negligent in any collision involving a cyclist, unless the driver can introduce evidence rebutting that presumption.
    Start fucking being less oblivious, cagers.

    You hit another cager from behind, you're presumed to be at fault. Why shouldn't cagers be presumed to be at fault when they hit a pedestrian or cyclist? I see no reason that people should be legally allowed to be oblivious when piloting a 4,000 weapon around in public.

    Yes, I'm demanding higher standards just for the privilege driving around, BURNING GASOLINE, getting weaker and unhealthier, poisoning the air. Suck it up and deal.

    Start seeing bicyclists. Stop fucking honking at us when we're taking up the full lane as is our right as a vehicle.

    Because an American soldier (and who knows how many impoverished, brown-skinned locals) just died to keep your fucking cage ferrying your lazy ass around AT HIGH SPEEDS. You fuckers are in such a fucking hurry, you're so fucking impatient, and having to slow down behind a bicycle sends you into paroxysms of confusion and rage.

    TOO FUCKING BAD! WE'RE NOT AT WAR TO POWER MY BIKE, CAGERS! YOUR OBSESSION WITH NOT BEING IMPEDED IN YOUR FORWARD MOMENTUM, EVEN FOR A MOMENT, BORDERS ON THE OBSCENE! EVERY OUNCE OF PRESSURE YOU PUT ON THE GAS-PEDAL = A CUPFUL OF SOMEBODY'S LIFEBLOOD HALF A WORLD AWAY!

    AND I'M THE FUCKING BAD GUY FOR SLOWING YOU DOWN?

    We're fucking sick and tired of taking shit from you and your gas-burning, poison-spewing, muscular-atrophy-inducing cage. We're fucking sick of your aggression and your horns and your "GET OFF THE ROAD!"

    FUCK YOU! STOP KILLING US!

    I'm not advocating instigating violence. But if you try to crowd me off the road, well... I do make it a habit of locking up my bike with a U-lock that's QUITE HEAVY at one end. And physics goes both ways, suckers.

    </ANGRY_RANT>

    Previously in O,DIKTO?:

    -This is how I roll

    -Team Wonderbike: have you taken the pledge?

    -I, Cracker

    -Laughing from the sidelines

    -Done. Over. Last link to the dinosaur-burner is CUT!

    -If I can't bike with a broken collarbone... [MAJOR anti-personal-automobiles rant]

    -I don't want to hear about running privately owned cars on alternative fuels

    -# Automobile = Pollution, Terrorism, & Jellybutt
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    This is How I Roll

    • Oct. 18th, 2009 at 10:52 PM
    Monkey on a bike
    This is my new Felt X:City 2. And it FUCKING ROCKS!

    Team LexiMonkey, after the longest run either member has ever done (more on that later) went by Tip Top Bike Shop. We'd been in before, when we were shopping for bike shops. And some in the area didn't... really click with us. The last time we came through, the folks @ TTBS took the time to show us what they had, and were in general really helpful and pleasant. So when it was time to drop a chunk-o-tax-refund on wheels, we knew where to go.

    Charlotte (one of the owners) helped us take a several bikes out for test rides. I went in thinking I wanted one style (a Jamis Commuter 3), but that particular one wasn't in stock in my size. So I tried something similar. Which was OK. "What else would you recommend for a guy my size?" And while I am 6'1", most of my height is in my torso. I've got comparatively short legs for a guy my heights.

    And Charlotte introduced me to the X:City 2.


    SWEET ELVIS IN HIS BLACK 1968 COMEBACK SPECIAL LEATHERS, THIS BIKE IS THE FUCKING BOMB-DIGGETY!

    Light, OH, so lightweight compared to the old bikes. Those old beasts feel like they're made out of cast-iron. Plus, I did crash mine. We bought them over 10 years ago, with no more thought than "If we get these at REI, we get a member rebate". Today, Team LexiMonkey invested in some bikes that are gonna suit our needs much more personally.

    I love the 8-speed internal-gear hub. I don't need 24 gears, I'm not going to use most of them. Eight good ones, that's what the monkey wants. And this bike is so freakin' light, I don't even come close to noticing any weight. Then there's the fact that clumsy-monkey used to smack his derailleurs out of alignment all the time. Nice to have that bit gone. And it shifts like a dream.

    The matte green/black coloring made me think think of ever-camoflage-clad Udo Dirkschneider, vocalist of the German metal band Accept, one of the staples of my 80s youth, whence I left that sizable chunk of my hearing.

    The price on my bike? $666. Srsly. How fucking metal is that?

    I think my bike's name is Udo.


    "Ever bike? Now that's something that makes life worth living! I take exercise every afternoon that way. Oh, to just grip your handlebars and lay down to it, and go ripping and tearing through streets and road, over railroad tracks and bridges, threading crowds, avoiding collisions, at twenty miles or more an hour, and wondering all the time when you're going to smash up.

    Well now, that's something! And then go home again after three hours of it, into the tub, rub down well, then into a soft shirt and down to the dinner table, with the evening paper and a glass of wine in prospect - and then to think that tomorrow I can do it all over again!"

    -Oakland native son Jack London

    Previously in O,DIKTO?:

    -Team Wonderbike: Have you taken the pledge?

    -Bicycles have long been associated with womens- and workers-liberation movements.

    -Need an alternative to the family car?

    -Pirate's anti-car, pro-bike rant
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    Team Wonderbike: Have you taken the pledge?

    • Apr. 28th, 2009 at 3:30 PM
    Monkey on a bike
    The monkey got hipped to the Team Wonderbike Pledge on this year's Amgen Tour of California. I so gotta do that write up.

    Have you taken the pledge? [info]cycleberry, I'm looking at you.
    clipped from www.newbelgium.com

    Team Wonderbike is a laughing war whoop, a social movement, an opening salvo in the campaign to greatly increase the use of one of mankind's greatest inventions, the bicycle. Human-powered, carbon-free, and more fun than walking, driving or running in place - the bicycle offers an elegant solution to so many issues. All that AND it's good for you.

    Currently more than 15,000 strong, we on Team Wonderbike have pledged to bike - not drive - better than 14 million miles in the coming year. But that's just the beginning. We need you (and your family and friends too) to take the pledge and commit to biking whenever you can. We're building an online community with regional chapters and a national voice for sensible transportation alternatives. And we're having a damn good time doing it.

    So join us, won't you? Together, we'll change the future one bike at a time.

    Join Team Wonderbike
     blog it
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    Chainless, belt-driven bicycles

    • Nov. 21st, 2008 at 1:22 PM
    Monkey on a bike
    clipped from www.cnn.com

    Coming to a store near you: chainless bicycles

    If you've ever been riding down the street and had your pants cuff ripped asunder, there may be a revolution at hand.

    Wisconsin-based Trek is introducing two models this holiday season that are chainless, instead using technology most often found in things like motorcycles and snowmobiles. While some smaller custom bike makers have used them before, Trek is the first to use the technology for mass-produced bicycles.

    The largest U.S. domestic bike manufacturer is hoping to capitalize on a new group of urban pedal-pushers who are trading their cars for a more low-tech way to get around because of gas prices as well as health and environmental concerns.

    One version of the chainless bike, called the District ($930), is a single-speed, complete with a silver body, orange accents and brown leather seat and handles. The other, called the Soho ($990), is an eight-speed bike that uses an internal hub to adjust the speed rather than gears.

    clipped from www.cyclingnews.com
    http://www.cyclingnews.com/photos/2007/tech/news/08-28/CDS_rear_cog_on_bike.jpg
     blog it


    Previously in O,DIKTO?:

    -Video of a cop assaulting a cyclist & Critical Mass ride

    -Bicycles have historically been associated with womens' and workers' liberation movements

    -Bartender of Fortune: ATOC-'08

    -Monkey go CRASH! SNAP!

    -Cool links for the monkey-powered-mobility oriented
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    Cranky Monkey
    WHAT! THE! FUCK?

    I hope the 2-wheeler sues that cop and the NYPD through a fucking wall.

    And I'll bet the cop drives a big, fat, gas-hog of an SUV with a yellow ribbon sticker on it too.

    Fucking cagers.
    clipped from gothamist.com

    Another Critical Mass ride, another stunning display of police brutality. Watch as one of New York's finest violently shoves a cyclist off his bicycle, launching him through the air to the curb at 46th street and Seventh Avenue during Friday night's monthly Critical Mass ride.

    A representative for TIMES UP! tells us that the cyclist in this video was arrested, held for 26 hours, and charged with attempted assault and resisting arrest. One other cyclist was ticketed Friday night for riding outside the bike lane, which is not actually illegal and often necessary, considering how popular bike lanes are for double parking.

    UPDATE: MyFoxNY that the police officer in the video--22-year-old Patrick Pogan--has been stripped of his badge and gun and the NYPD has "placed the unidentified officer on desk duty pending the outcome of a department investigation." The bicyclist, Christopher Long, has not commented, but his lawyer said, "The video speaks for itself."

     blog it


    Previously, in O, DIKTO?:

    -Dude, don't tase me (or my new wife)!

    -It's Kojak for the 21st century West.

    -Goons with badges hate cameras: D.C.

    -Police Riot in LA called "Worst in 37 years" by Chief Bratton

    Goons with badges hate camers: Miami

    Goons with badges hate cameras: Oakland
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    MUST HAVE!

    • May. 25th, 2008 at 11:02 AM
    Monkey on a bike
    Tip Top Bike Shop window.

    For you non-locals, Hella is Bay Area for very much. Hecka is hella for the church-going/jr. high sets.

    Srsly.
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    Bartender of Fortune: ATOC-'08

    • Feb. 28th, 2008 at 10:10 AM
    The Libationator!

    ATOC-'08: Tools of Access
    Originally uploaded by Spiritualmonkey.
    Okay, I'm back, have had a day or so to re-orient from the road.

  • First off, Team-LexiMonkey suffered a massive comm disruption near the beginning of (and extending through) my road trip. Essential comm re-route was established, but that still left Pirate mostly off-comm the whole week.

    [info]kshandra, [info]ratswallow, & [info]twistedcat, I would have loved nothing more than to get together with y'all when I was in your towns, but scheduling would have been a total mess, and I was pretty wrung out for a whole lot of this, my first outing of this sort.


  • Next road trip, for sure!

  • Okay, so. Amgen Tour of California.

    Learned more about bike road racing than I ever have before. Having satellite uplink with motorcycle cams, and all the riders "lojacked" with a GPS unit was cool because with the Tour Tracker you could see a realtime map of where the racers were, and how severe was the climb ahead of them, race stats and positions, all on several big screen TVs spread around the tent. How anyone summoned enough caloric output to care about bike racing without those is beyond me.

    I learned that the "break" is the group of riders that is "away" from (a.k.a. in front of) the "peleton", which is the main body of riders. If a group of riders falls back from the peleton, they are an "echelon" (which is, I believe, French for lazy, punk-ass bitch).

    Also, the tradition of handing out cowbells to EACH AND EVERY FUCKING PERSON ALONG THE RACECOURSE AND HAVING THEM RING THEM EACH AND EVERY TIME A RIDER PASSES...

    Two words: less cowbell!

  • My motto for this week was New day, new city, same bar. Sacramento, San Jose, Pasadena, Santa Clarita, they all look pretty much the same from the inside of a VIP tent. Solvang looked like Denmark (or a town-shaped Danish theme park) and San Luis Obispo looked (from the weather) like Seattle.

  • Now, it rained almost all week but DAYUM, that was a rainy day. Between the nastiness of the hills, the torrential downpour, and the stomach virus running through the pack and their support caravan, big props to the riders who finished the race after the SLO stage.

    Actually, I was really glad none of us got electrocuted given how deep the thick-electrical-cable-lined gutters ran with swift-moving rain water. I mean, not that there was ANYWHERE that qualified as "dry", but the degree to which there seemed to be no place other than under inches of flowing water to run all those big, thick cable coursing with 'lectricity was something to be noticed and remarked upon.

    I consoled myself with thoughts of "The riggers know what they're doing, the junctions are weather-tight... and if we go down, they're gonna fry along with us."

  • Brought the Ivana the 12kg Russian kettlebell on the road. Fucking-A, she was perfect. Didn't get to workout with her every day, but I did most days and she's right at home in a hotel room.

  • Also, my beloved [info]lexica510 made me a meditation mala out of hematite beads right before I left. It works out to about 10 minutes worth of zazen. My sweetie rocks. I may not have swung the iron every day, but I got up and sat almost every day. That probably helped more than I gave it credit for.


  • There was this dude with a helmet that had a MASSIVE rack of antlers attached to it. Had to be a 10- or 12-point set, ~3.5' across at the widest point. Every day, he'd be waiting near the summit of one of the hill climbs and start running along side the racers as they pedaled by. There were also the "guys with big colored wigs" and a Catholic bishop keeping pace some days.

    I kept watching to see if he was going to slip, fall forward, and spear a rider off their bike. The antlers guy, that is. Although i supposed a crozier 'twixt the spokes would ruin someone's race too.


    ATOC-'08: Good Luck Socks
    Originally uploaded by Spiritualmonkey.
  • I packed every pair of underwear in my dresser drawers... and only the socks on my feet. For a week on the road. Luckily my road-roomie Joe had a couple a spares he hit me up with. New Yorkers in California stick together that way. ;-)

  • Also, I mentioned my plight in passing to my friend Mickelle while she was unpacking in... whatever city we were in that night. She'd packed her bad-luck socks on the trip and by pawning them off on Pirate, they became my good luck socks. :D

  • PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE... Next year, pick ANYTHING ELSE to play except the disco/techno version "Star Wars Imperial March". I had visions of long lines of stormtroopers with their helmets bopping like so many white-armored Butabi brothers.

  • All I can say is THANK ELVIS for the espresso station in the tent being open before my call each morning. Those cats probably made more lattes and mochas for staff than guests. But we needed it more! ;-)

  • To the person who left a used diaper on top of one of the barrels holding up the tent for Mickelle to find: YOU SUCK! Happily, my lucky socks seem to have warded off that unsavory discovery from my path.

  • There were these two chicks in black whose job is was to be photographed planting a simultaneous fake kiss on both cheeks to whatever rider was getting honored (stage winner, yellow race-leader jersey, "King of the Mountains" points leader green jersey, etc) on the awards platform each day.

    And all I could think of was "How objectifying. Ceremonial sexual favors from hired women as reward for athletic success. Oh yeah, document that for posterity."

    Really now, sending a hooker back to his hotel for a handjob sincerely seems both more dignified, and honest. Put the jersey on his back, give him a bouquet of flowers, fine. But the awards bimbos kissing the rider for the camera is... irritating in it's unspoken symbolism.

    Plus, I saw no hunky beefcake guys kissing cheeks for the camera on the one day they had a women's race.

  • Pomegranate-raspberry beer. Mandarin orange-grapefruit beer. Just because you can bottle something does not mean you should bottle something.

  • Had a priest come up to the bar one day and asked for a glass of red wine. "I guess technically I could change the water..." he said with a grin.

    "But Padre, you're off duty. No need to strain your professional capabilities" I winked.

    And by the way, naming the wine "Red Bicyclette" is just... "Red Bicycle" or "Bicyclette Rouge" would have been fine. But the Franglish... ugh.

  • A hotel is to be judged on several axes, but amongst the most important are How late is the jacuzzi open, How many bartenders/runners/cooks/baristas/etc (along with beverages) will it hold, and how heated is the outdoor pool?

    It was a DAMN cold run in the rain from my room to the jacuzzi in San Jose, but SO worth it. And the pool was also nice & warm. Oooooh, baby swimming suspended in that amniotic bath was soothing.

  • SLO, Jacuzzi was again soothing and civilizing, the pool was... bracing. Brrr, back to the jacuzzi! But in both Sacramento & Santa Clarita... DISABLED JACUZZIS! Baaaaaaad!


    ATOC-'08: We Survived!
    Originally uploaded by Spiritualmonkey.
    The Jacuzzi in the Pasadena Hilton worked... but I was so exhausted by then, I could barely make it down the street to the end-of-tour pizza party. And I spent what little tips I made in the jukebox, and what few calories I had left on the dancefloor.

  • Over all, I like working road-trips. But I like coming home even more. Next time, I've got notes on how to have a smoother time, what essentials to bring and what you can leave. And for sure, hooking up with the locals when I have a working comm!

  • And if any BBC people who were on the trip read this, y'all are my gang. Can't wait to get on the road again with y'all.

  • Previously in O,DIKTO:
    The monkey's bells got seriously rocked!
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    Monkey on a bike

    Imported Photos 00004
    Originally uploaded by dbbustin.
    Wondering how you're going to get around town once gasoline becomes prohibitively expensive? Could you use a little exercise while you're running errands?

    Meet the Rhoades Car.

    Radical change in how we as Americans go about the day-to-day activities of our lives is closer than most of us think.

    What are you going to do when gasoline hits $8/gallon at the pump?
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    I, Cracker

    • Oct. 29th, 2007 at 7:11 PM
    Monkey on a bike
    Sunday, [info]lexica510 & I had the most surreal interaction with the SUV driver who almost plowed into her on her bike. And what started out as a perfectly normal oblivious-sack-of-shit-cager-almost-kills-bicyclist moment got taken someplace racial in a rather inappropriate (and amusing) manner.

    Lemme 'splain...

    Sunday afternoon Lexi & the Monkey (sounds like a 70s sitcom) were coming back from opening weekend at the new Trader Joe's over on Lakeshore (W00TITY-MOTHER-LOVIN'-W00T!). My collarbone being still injured and my bike still trashed, I was on foot. Lexi's foot being on the road to recovery but with strict instructions from her acupuncturist to stay off it, she was on her bike, pedaling along at the monkey's walking pace, panniers full of groceries.

    Here's a map of where we were. Lexi & I were on the SW corner of E 18th St and 3rd Ave, proceeding in a generally SE direction along E 18th.

    Now here's an important part. Lexi had a GREEN LIGHT to cross 3rd Ave when she started across. How do I know this? Because I learned to cross streets in New York City and have felt an annoying wait-for-the-light tug on my sleeve for the past 12 years. She crosses at green lights. She just does.

    Lexi pedaled out in front of me as I entered the crosswalk. So we have a bicycle AND a pedestrian in the crosswalk with a green light with a "walk" signal at the same time.

    Still not sure about the green light part? S'okay, I'll get to that part.

    As Lexi is pedaling out in front of me, this massive, black, shiny, gas-guzzling, V8 I-hate-American-troops-&-love-terrorists-passenger-shuttle SUV that was traveling in the opposite direction on East 18th begins to turn left, across 2 oncoming traffic lanes, and attempts to head SW on 3rd Ave.

    And the oblivious-sack-of-shit-cager ALMOST PLOWS INTO MY WIFE ON HER BICYCLE AND COMES WITHIN INCHES OF KILLING HER. And Lexi was giving him this look of "Dude, I'm in the crosswalk with a green light. Hello?"

    And he kept rolling forward.

    Me? I stepped forward, looked him right in the eye with bright-eyed-fury, pointed directly at him, and bellowed at the absolute top of my monkey-lungs, with as much diaphragm and projection as I could remember from my high school musical days...

    "HEEEEEEEEEYYYYY!!!!!!!"

    Between the two of us trying to get his oblivious-sack-of-shit attention, he stopped INCHES from making contact with Lexi. We were both, as you might guess, rather put out.

    Lexi said something on the order of "Hello? Crosswalk, green light."

    I heard him reply something on the order of "Oh you did not have a green light." At this point, I remember seeing the signal change from "walk" to "don't walk" as Lexi and he are having this exchange (remember this moment as well, when we come to the discussion of green lights and right-of-way).

    As the sack-of-shit-cager continued his turn onto 3rd Ave, as he passed me, I continued bellowing in the most chastising top-volume baritone I could summon.

    "CALIFORNIA!

    "CROSSWALK!

    "LEARN! STATE! LAW!"


    And he stopped. And looked at me. And said "Are you telling me that a crosswalk overrides a protected left turn?" (I swear, the "green light" issue is around the corner.)

    The monkey-bellows continue pumping. "YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT IT DOES, ASSHOLE! LEARN STATE LAW!"

    At this point, he makes a second turn into the Walgreens parking lot and rolls up on me in a huff. He starts shouting indignantly back at me about how he had a protected left turn and Lexi's light had to have been red...

    BAM! Here's the crux of the issue. If you look at the map, E. 18th runs basically NW/SE at this point. He was heading NW on E. 18th, turning left (across 2 lanes of oncoming traffic) onto 3rd Ave. There is no protected left turn signal where he was turning. There is a left-turn-only lane with arrow painted on the asphalt, but it's just your basic 4-way traffic light.

    Not only have I been frequenting this part of Oakland for around 10 years, I went and looked again this afternoon, just to make sure I wasn't insane.

    Before he started his turn, Lexi & he were traveling on the same street, in opposite directions. They shared the same green light.

    And California State Law is quite explicit on the subject: left-turning vehicles yield right of way to ALL oncoming traffic, even those making right turns. And that DEFINITELY includes bicycles, pedestrians, and combinations of BOTH AT THE SAME TIME!

    So the oblivious fucking cager, who evidently took exception to the arm-pointing and top-volume public chastising I was bellowing his direction, suddenly comes at me from out of nowhere with:

    "You white motherfuckers think you own the world. I'll kick your cracker ass." And he makes to open the door to his SUV like he's going to get out of it and square off on me.

    Immediately, I cocked my hand to my ear and said "What did you say to me?"

    "You heard me."

    Now, my first reaction was to get all worked up because, well... he took it racial. This was a perfectly normal piece-of-shit, gas-guzzling, environment-polluting, American-troop-hating-cager vs. law-abiding bicyclists & pedestrians interaction, happens every day.

    And he took it racial.

    But after a second, I thought "Cracker?" That may have actually been the first time I've been insulted that way. Being Filipino/Irish mestizo, I have been in LOTS of situations where I was too dark for my own good. I've gotten "the eye" in Boston bars and informed my party that it was time to leave, and have been told not to mention my Irish half out loud by more inbred pure-strain children o' the sod. (OTOH, when I was in Hawaii, people gave me the benefit of the doubt of possibly being Samoan, and they had a kick-your-ass reputation so I didn't get much hassle).

    But this was the very first time I've been called a "cracker".

    And I think something else registered subconsciously: this dude was lighter than me, and between the two of us, my sister T-Bird is the dark one. This guy could have showed up at [info]lexica510's family reunion and no one would blink. You could tell me the name on his license read Eston Hemmings and I wouldn't be surprised.

    But I'm some cracker ass, keeping him down?

    Dude, you're making dangerous, illegal turns while driving alone (technically known as "Osama is my co-pilot") as in an unpatriotic, polluting gas-hog that costs more than my annual take-home pay including tips, while Lexi & I live car-free and get around on foot, bike, and public transit, all the while obeying the traffic laws.

    But I think I own the world?

    Cager, please! I'm not the one driving our oil wars forward just so I can get my groceries, you lazy, oblivious fuck.

    And one more thing. If you come close to running down a man's wife in front of him, do not subsequently make like you're about to exit your weather-shielded, toxin-spewing ego-cage with an aggressive posture, uttering threats.

    Because at that point, I will fucking U-lock you into next week.
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    Pedal-Monkey go BOO-YAA!

    • Oct. 16th, 2007 at 6:42 AM
    Dancing Goatboy


    Because bike-legs are SEXAH!!!

    Clickety-click on the image for details. Seattlites take note of the Nov 1 release party. This nugget of monkey-powered awesomeness brought to you via [info]bikepirates.

    I'll be in my bunk...
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    Monkey on a bike
    • It has been brought to your buccaneer-simian's attention that he can sometimes come across as... oh what's the phrase, a finger-waving, preachy asshole on certain subjects.



      Transcript follows for the midget, because it's hella funny:
      Make with the clickety-click for to be transcript reading )

      Although for the record:
      -I do my best not to ride on the sidewalk
      -I don't wear spandex shorts
      -My mellon bucket looks nowhere NEAR that dorky.

    • What does a society geared towards pedaling bikes as the everyday choice for getting around town look like? Something like this:
      During a 73 minute period on 9/12/06 at one corner of Nieuw Markt (a nice open square in Amsterdam), I took the following 82 pictures of bicycles. Why? Because sitting there I noticed how remarkably different the whole Amsterdam bicycle scene was from my home,... the San Francisco area, California, USA...
      Here's another photo-essay on The Bicycle in Amsterdam:
      Few people consider themselves "cyclists" any more than they see themselves as "washing machiners," "automobilists," or "shoe-ers". It's simply how you get around, with your kids, girlfriend on the rear carrier, groceries, dog, briefcase. Cycling clothes are only for racers. Everybody else rides in the clothes they otherwise wear, be it a short skirt and heels, business suit, construction overalls, or jeans. Helmets are simply not worn, because cycling is not perceived as a dangerous activity. The bikes are simple and outdoor-dog tough and have full-coverage mudguards, lights, chaincases, upright sitting, and all the other basics needed for practical use.
    • Lexi pointed out to me earlier [SEE COMMENTS] that there's a reason Yurpeen streetside cafés are cool and 'Murrican ones suck ass.

      In 'Murrican streetside cafés, you sit next to row after row after row of parked cars. And beyond that, rows and rows and rows and slowly moving cars, shitting poison into the air and contributing to the ambient level of noise pollution while hunting for the perfect parking spot.

      Over in Yurp (where the History's from), most of the cities were built long before automobiles, on a more human scale (and at human sound levels). There's a lot more pedestrian walking and bicycling going on, which is much pleasanter and quieter than having your coffee next to a parking lot 1 lane wide and circling the block, with another one circling the block in slo-motion just beyond it.
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    More bike polo!

    • Oct. 5th, 2007 at 8:25 AM
    Monkey on a bike
    NYC Ratkillers vs. Ottowa



    Must.
    Start.
    East.
    Bay.
    Bike.
    Polo.
    Team.

    Seriously. We've got a women's roller derby league already. Bike polo is SO the kind of thing that is made for the kind of 2-wheeled freaks we have here in our slice of NorCal. And there are teams up in Cascadia to play away games with.

    M.S.E.B.B.P.T!

    Oh man, [info]lexica510 is gonna kick my ass when she reads this.
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    If I can't bike with a broken collarbone...

    • Oct. 4th, 2007 at 12:49 PM
    Monkey on a bike
    ... I can at least rant about cars.

    I don't want to hear about running privately owned cars on alternative fuels*. Don't wanna hear about biodiesel, ethanol, frymax, whatever.

    Because it misses the point entirely.

    Independence from foreign oil is not the problem. Keeping the nations personal automobiles running on alternative fuels is not the solution.

    Acting like we have a future as a culture centered around personal ownership internal combustion engine vehicles is the problem. Not thinking how do we prepare to inhabit a world where cheap fossil fuels don't exist is the problem.

    "Pricey gas? That's reality":
    Contrary to a faction of wishful thinkers, the earth does not have a creamy nougat center of oil. Oil fields do not replenish themselves. Also contrary to the prevailing wish, no combination of alternative fuels will allow us to keep running the interstate highway system, Wal-Mart, Walt Disney World and the other furnishings of what Dick Cheney called our "non-negotiable way of life."

    People who refuse to negotiate with the circumstances that the world throws at them automatically get assigned a new negotiating partner: reality. Reality then requires you to change your behavior, whether you like it or not. With global oil production peaking, we are now subject to rising oil prices, as markets are forced to contend with allocating a resource heading in the direction of scarcity...

    We have to live differently. We're going to have to re-inhabit and reconstruct our civic places -- especially our small towns -- and we're going to have to use the remaining rural places for growing food locally, wherever possible. Our big cities will probably contract, while they densify at their centers and along their waterfronts. Our suburbs will enter a shocking state of economic and practical failure.

    We cannot imagine this scenario because we have invested so much of our collective wealth the past 50 years in the infrastructure for a way of life that simply has no future.
    By the same author, from The Long Emergency
    Most immediately we face the end of the cheap-fossil-fuel era. It is no exaggeration to state that reliable supplies of cheap oil and natural gas underlie everything we identify as the necessities of modern life -- not to mention all of its comforts and luxuries: central heating, air conditioning, cars, airplanes, electric lights, inexpensive clothing, recorded music, movies, hip-replacement surgery, national defense -- you name it...

    Most of all, the Long Emergency will require us to make other arrangements for the way we live in the United States. America is in a special predicament due to a set of unfortunate choices we made as a society in the twentieth century. Perhaps the worst was to let our towns and cities rot away and to replace them with suburbia, which had the additional side effect of trashing a lot of the best farmland in America. Suburbia will come to be regarded as the greatest misallocation of resources in the history of the world. It has a tragic destiny. The psychology of previous investment suggests that we will defend our drive-in utopia long after it has become a terrible liability.
    Of course, the data is in, and not only do cars run on poisonous-war-&-terrorism-instigating-liquid-dinosaur-bones, but automobiles are FREELOADERS ON SOCIETY:
    In Do Motor Vehicle Users in the US Pay Their Way?(PDF), a forthcoming article for the journal Transportation Research A, Delucchi writes:
    To pay for [road] infrastructure and services, governments collect revenue from a variety of [motor-vehicle user] taxes and fees. The basic objective of this paper is to compare these government expenditures with the corresponding user tax and fee payments in the U.S.

    The analysis indicates that in the U.S. current tax and fee payments to the government by motor-vehicle users fall short of government expenditures related to motor-vehicle use by approximately 20-70 cents per gallon of all motor fuel. (Note that in this accounting we include only government expenditures; we do not include any "external" costs of motor-vehicle use.)
    That implied subsidy of 20 to 70 cents a gallon -- which excludes social and environmental costs such as climate damage and uncompensated crash costs, which Delucchi has tallied elsewhere -- equates to 7 to 25 percent of the current price of gasoline. On a dollar basis, U.S. drivers are underpaying local, state and national governments by $40 to $105 billion a year.
    That's right, private automobiles suck at the public tit, shit poison into the air, and cause war and terrorism.

    And shitty urban design, largely because public parking:
    • "Parking requirements create great harm: they subsidize cars, distort transportation choices, warp urban form, increase housing costs, burden low income households, debase urban design, damage the economy, and degrade the environment."
      -Donald Shoup, The High Cost of Free Parking.

    • Review of The High Cost of Free Parking.

    • We Paved Paradise: So why can't we find any place to park? Because parking is one of the biggest boondoggles -- and environmental disasters -- in our country.

    Oh yeah, let's not forget that car-centric urban planning makes society sicker. As in less healthy:
    The message of the book [Urban Sprawl and Public Health] is simple: our car-dependent suburban environment is killing us. Planners, most notably the New Urbanists, have been saying this for decades, but Jackson’s got the statistics. And the charts. And the tables. In his book and in lectures nationwide, Jackson demonstrates—technically, like a doctor—how sprawl is at least partially responsible for a full range of American diseases, from asthma to diabetes, from hypertension to depression. The reason that we spend one dollar out of six on health care is very preventable, and yet we claim some of the worst health statistics in the developed world. [FULL INTERVIEW]
    Lastly, here's a few highlights from Ten Ways to Prepare for a Post-Oil Society:
    1. Expand your view beyond the question of how we will run all the cars by means other than gasoline... The bottom line of this is: start thinking beyond the car. We have to make other arrangements for virtually all the common activities of daily life.

    2. We have to produce food differently. The Monsanto/Cargill model of industrial agribusiness is heading toward its Waterloo. As oil and gas deplete, we will be left with sterile soils and farming organized at an unworkable scale. Many lives will depend on our ability to fix this...

    3. We have to inhabit the terrain differently. Virtually every place in our nation organized for car dependency is going to fail to some degree. Quite a few places (Phoenix, Las Vegas, Miami ...) will support only a fraction of their current populations. We'll have to return to traditional human ecologies at a smaller scale: villages, towns, and cities (along with a productive rural landscape). Our small towns are waiting to be reinhabited. Our cities will have to contract. The cities that are composed proportionately more of suburban fabric (e.g. Atlanta, Houston) will pose especially tough problems. Most of that stuff will not be fixed. The loss of monetary value in suburban property will have far-reaching ramifications...

    4. We have to move things and people differently. This is the sunset of Happy Motoring (including the entire US trucking system). Get used to it. Don't waste your society's remaining resources trying to prop up car-and-truck dependency. Moving things and people by water and rail is vastly more energy-efficient... The great harbor towns, like Baltimore, Boston, and New York, can no longer devote their waterfronts to condo sites and bikeways. We actually have to put the piers and warehouses back in place (not to mention the sleazy accommodations for sailors). Right now, programs are underway to restore maritime shipping based on wind -- yes, sailing ships. It's for real...

    5. We have to transform retail trade. The national chains that have used the high tide of fossil fuels to contrive predatory economies-of-scale (and kill local economies) -- they are going down. WalMart and the other outfits will not survive the coming era of expensive, scarcer oil... The local networks of commercial interdependency which these chain stores systematically destroyed (with the public's acquiescence) will have to be rebuilt brick-by-brick and inventory-by-inventory. This will require rich, fine-grained, multi-layered networks of people who make, distribute, and sell stuff (including the much-maligned "middlemen"). Don't be fooled into thinking that the Internet will replace local retail economies. Internet shopping is totally dependent now on cheap delivery, and delivery will no longer be cheap. It also is predicated on electric power systems that are completely reliable. That is something we are unlikely to enjoy in the years ahead...

    6. We will have to make things again in America. However, we are going to make less stuff. We will have fewer things to buy, fewer choices of things...

    7. The age of canned entertainment is coming to and end. It was fun for a while. We liked "Citizen Kane" and the Beatles. But we're going to have to make our own music and our own drama down the road. We're going to need playhouses and live performance halls. We're going to need violin and banjo players and playwrights and scenery-makers, and singers. We'll need theater managers and stage-hands. The Internet is not going to save canned entertainment. The Internet will not work so well if the electricity is on the fritz half the time (or more).

    8. We'll have to reorganize the education system. The centralized secondary school systems based on the yellow school bus fleets will not survive the coming decades. The huge investments we have made in these facilities will impede the transition out of them, but they will fail anyway...

    9. We have to reorganize the medical system. The current skein of intertwined rackets based on endless Ponzi buck passing scams will not survive the discontinuities to come. We will probably have to return to a model of service much closer to what used to be called "doctoring."...

    10. Life in the USA will have to become much more local, and virtually all the activities of everyday life will have to be re-scaled. You can state categorically that any enterprise now supersized is likely to fail -- everything from the federal government to big corporations to huge institutions...

    * I will agree that we have to do something to keep trade happening and people moving. And alternative fuels will probably be a useful part of that. But the age of "happy motoring" is going to be over faster, I think, than our society is prepared for, or is even thinking about.
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    MONKEY HAS THE POWER
    Two words: Bike Polo!



    Bike Polo. FUCK YEAH! Sign the monkey up! Dude, I'm totally seeing a tattoo of a bike wheel with crossed polo-mallets. Arrr!
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    Monkey on a bike
    • I am totally fucking OVER my desire to own a motorcycle. Not only does a motorcycle burn polluting dinosaur-juice that America, inc. is paying a private, unaccountable, corporate mercenary army trainloads of taxpayer dollars to help violently colonize foreign lands that have it, but after taking a spill at 10 mph, that was enough for me. I don't need to dump at freeway speeds.

    • I'm starting to wonder how geeky something like lacrosse armor would look biking around town. I dunno, I first read Neuromancer at an impressionable age. And broken bones suck & keep you off the pedals, which sucks.

      I'm already starting to see myself as one of those weird bike-tribe types that the cube drones regard quizzically, like some latter-day two-wheeled Mongol, living in the saddle, carrying all his essentials on his back or his mount. May as well dress the part, especially when it serves a practical purpose.

      Besides, I'm not really sure I buy into the "you're safer without a helmet because cagers see you as more vulnerable" argument. And the wind didn't give a toss what I was wearing when it sent me a-bone-snappin'. Shit up and happens, period.

    • I've posted previously on how monkey-powered-mobility has historically been associated with womens' and workers' liberation movements. But as Paul Dorn points out:
      [C]orporate interests have used their considerable political influence to ensure that highways get funded and transit systems don't, creating an extensive system of subsidies to encourage driving and discourage alternatives. The automobile-centered US transportation system has been created to maximize profits, not to enhance personal mobility. [sic]

      The prioritization of automobiles by government transportation planners has had numerous detrimental effects, with the most damaging impacts borne by poor and working class people. [clickety-click for the full text]
      The local non-native-English-speakers I see pedaling ancient fixer-uppers around East Oakland have a lot more in common with the dreadlocked activists pedaling fixies to Critical Mass than it might at first seem. The personal is political, for damn sure.

    • Dinosaurs burners are EXPENSIVE! Think of how much you spend in gas, insurance, parking, and just plain, old OPEN SPACE that does nothing but wait around for a dino-burner to pull up and sit on it. Now think of how much the time (the vast majority, I'd guess) your dino-burner sits there in that space, just rusting. All those hours of every day, waiting to be (expensively & dirtily) started up, as oxidation slowly, inexorably eats away at virtually every piece.

      What percentage of your household income is tied up in several thousand pounds of fueled-by-corporate-war machinery that will spend the majority of the time you own it substantially depreciating in place? And why do we put up with things being structured that way, if all it does is makes us worse off and the wealthy & powerful more so? Really, scroll up and read that Paul Dorn article. It's brief.

    • I do not like opiate-based painkillers. I can't believe people do this shit for fun. Do you have any idea how much prune juice I'm drinking to deal with what it does to my digestion? And then there's that bluuuuuuuuhhhhaaaaaaeeehhh ffffffffft cloudy lassitude that descends. FUCK! I used to spend my days burning calories on 2-wheels, going places. Now it's a choice between feeling exactly where the splintered bit is and being fuzzy in the head, with my stomach making me remember things William S. Burroughs wrote in Naked Lunch. Ugh.

      Don't get me wrong, broken collarbone hurts worse than poppy-belly disturbs. But once I can get through the night without, you're damn right I'm gonna. This is so many kinds of not the Monkey's vibe.

    • We are not blocking traffic, motherlovers. We ARE traffic. Learn it. Live it. Handle it. Because I would never advocate "U-Lock Justice*". But the way some cagers drive... I understand the instinct.

    • Very few people have the tools, space, and know-how to do major repairs on their dinosaur burners these days. But you can live in an apartment, buy MAKE a basic bike stand and with some basic, inexpensive, quality, lo-tek tools, you can get pretty deep into the maintaining of your bike with basic skills and a library book or a website.

      And wrenching on your own monkey-powered mobility feels cooler and more empowering than one might imagine.
      * Personally, I define "ULJ" as smacking the dino-burner's hood with your security device in frustrated response to the cager having just pulled some stupid and life threatening maneuver in your, or another cyclist's, immediate vicinity.

      A lot of what gets dubbed "ULJ" I would personally file under Hot-tempered vandal with a deadly weapon and an unreasonable hair up their butt.

      Still not advocating either.
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

    Monkey go CRASH! SNAP!

    • Sep. 20th, 2007 at 11:42 PM
    Monkey on a bike
    "Oh, to just grip your handlebars and lay down to it, and go ripping and tearing through streets and road, over railroad tracks and bridges, threading crowds, avoiding collisions, at twenty miles or more an hour, and wondering all the time when you're going to smash up.


    my 1st taco
    Originally uploaded by Spiritualmonkey.
    Wonder if Jack London ever went head-over-handlebars and broke his left clavicle?

    So I was bicycling to Fort Mason to pour at the charity fashion show thingy Wednesday afternoon. I'm pedaling down the parking lot towards the Herbst Pavilion when... WHOOSH! This massive gust of wind off the bay completely blasts me off balance.

    Dunno if I slammed on the breaks or not, I may have, which pitched me forward, tacoing the front wheel, sending the monkey shoulder first into the asphalt.

    *BAM!*

    Fuckity.

    Okay, Damage assessment.

    RED, WET STUFF: negative. POINT OF IMPACT: left shoulder. FACEPLANT: negative. CRANIAL IMPACT: suspect negative. No severe scratching or denting to the helmet. LOSS OF CONSCIOUSNESS: negative. PAIN: well, yeah! But not severe. Mobility indicates shoulder is not dislocated, doesn't seem broken, suspect a bad sprain.

    So I call the office and let them know what's up, that I'm going to the emergency room in Oakland.

    HUGE, massive props to [info]bff2112 for coming in from the (510) to pick me and my trashed machine up and taxi me back across the bay to the ER at Kaiser Oaktown. A friend in need is a friend, indeed.

    Also, big thanks on out to the folx at the Fort Mason Book Store, who took in an injured monkey and gave him a chair until his ride showed.

    X-ray shows there's a few splinters of clavicle towards the distal end, but the doc said I'm likely to make a full recovery. Pretty much a sling and Vicodin is in the monkey's future till it heals up.

    I credit a couple of things for making this a better outcome than it could have been:

    -Exercise. Not only biking everywhere for over a month, but specifically doing my Callanetics. Haven't been going to the gym recently. And often, Lexi and I only get in the warm-up section. But warm-ups 2 & 3 in particular really work the shoulders and back and upper arms. I shudder to think what would have happened if I was in worse shape when this went down.

    -My Bag. The Chrome Citizen has a thick, padded strap over the left shoulder. I'm sure that didn't hurt.

    -Residual Judo skills. It's been years, but I think I instinctively tucked my chin and tried to roll through it. I dunno if the bag threw me off balance or what, but all I know is I didn't faceplant, and I seem not to have hit my head. Yay, me.

    -Vicodin. I had picked up Lexi's prescription refill earlier in the day for her injured foot. You're damn right I dipped in!

    So monkey is couch bound for a while. Gotta call orthopedics tomorrow for an appointment.
    The Long Yuletide War: A short-story cycle

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